people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
