I think I died a long time ago.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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