Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
