The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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