He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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