addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
