We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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