I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
