Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
