Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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  (281): I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him http://tfl.nu/1o2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?

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  (216): ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex? http://tfl.nu/h39u
  Replies (30) Good night (637) Bad night (4657) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.

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  (503): what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed. http://tfl.nu/lo29
  Replies (28) Good night (3012) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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  (618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco... http://tfl.nu/ll6l
  Replies (37) Good night (3571) Bad night (878)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  i cant believe jose lima did steroids

  (281): View more from Texas

  apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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  (713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids (281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball http://tfl.nu/yhdf
  Replies (13) Good night (1611) Bad night (2103)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's always exciting to touch a new boob.

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  (814): It's always exciting to touch a new boob. http://tfl.nu/e374
  Replies (12) Good night (6515) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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  (501): Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure. http://tfl.nu/9bef
  Replies (7) Good night (909) Bad night (4208) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it

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  (606): I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it http://tfl.nu/8mat
  Replies (6) Good night (2694) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

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  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9167) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"

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  (510): Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone" http://tfl.nu/xglm
  Replies (13) Good night (3150) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.

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  (785): for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless. http://tfl.nu/zt1g
  Replies (12) Good night (3133) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.

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  (+61): I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision. http://tfl.nu/5ber
  Replies (8) Good night (1786) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.

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  (978): Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance. http://tfl.nu/nlqh
  Replies (13) Good night (1343) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.

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  (212): You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band. http://tfl.nu/ldj0
  Replies (10) Good night (2489) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving

  (1-818): View more from California

  At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.

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  (818): I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving (1-818): At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it. http://tfl.nu/g80b
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (202)

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