I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar