Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?