I wish i was in the wii world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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