So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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