its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
