We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
