Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
