okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
