the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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