Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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