Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
