Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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