I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
