I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
