It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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