Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
