oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Welp...herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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