currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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