I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
