Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
