Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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