I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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