Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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