The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
