at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my liver is dry heaving
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
