So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
