Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
