If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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