I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
