Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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