Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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