you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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