He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
