Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
