I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
