What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
