Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
