he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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