but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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