We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
