She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize