I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
