I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
