capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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