I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
