Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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