i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
