I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
