If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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