I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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