You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
