Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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