tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
