Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
